| | I was recently informed (via her sister...via Xanga comments) that a certain person I know doesn't believe in hats. I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but I'm having a bit of a hard time with this.
Not believing in unicorns, I could understand. They're almost extinct. Gnomes, sure. I don't know very many people who have actually seen one. Isosceles triangles, of course. Everyone knows they aren't real. But come on. Not believing in hats is absolutely ridiculous!
Imagine with me, if you will, that it's a warm Saturday afternoon. You need to buy your cousin Gertie a Canada Day present (July 1...I'd like new hockey gear), so you decide to go to one of those "indoor shopping malls" that everyone keeps talking about. You walk past store after store filled with delightful things, when one store in particular catches your eye. The illuminated sign above the entrance reads "Lids" in the most wonderful of red hues. You think to yourself, "Gertie does have a lot of containers and bowls, and ever since the 'accident' she's very forgetful. I'm pretty sure she's misplaced some of their lids." So you walk into this store, hopeful that they'll have a nice variety pack, embossed with maple leaves.
Once inside, you realize that something is very wrong. There aren't any lids at all in this place. In fact, all you see is row after row of...
WHAT??!!! Row after row of AIR? ...of EMPTINESS? ...of LITTLE PURPLE AND GREEN SALAMANDER STATUES? I DON'T THINK SO!
What are Frosty the Snowman, Abraham Lincoln, and the New York Yankees all known for? That's right. Their HATS! They would be nothing without their hats! How would we know who the good cowboy is without his white cowboy HAT? How could we have a Mexican HAT dance without a sombrero (Spanish for HAT!)? And let's not forget about the French. Without their berets (that's a kind of HAT!) the French would just be smelly snobs and everyone would hate them. But since they wear berets, everyone loves them, their bread, their fries, and their salad dressing. Plus, they gave us the Statue of Liberty...and she wears a HAT!
You know who you are. I don't want to call you out, I just wanted you
to know that I can't sit idly by anymore. I can't and won't accept
your position. I don't care how emphatically you may disagree,
HATS ARE REAL!
And, as Snoop always says, you can't spell phat, without HAT!
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| | Posted 6/28/2007 1:39 PM - 23 Views - 10 eProps - 12 comments
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